On Getting Started

Having others read my stories feels much different than creating a blog. Although my stories contain pieces of me - my experiences, my knowledge, my understanding - a rejection or critique of them usually comes down to a matter of timing. Is this piece relevant? Are you adding to the conversation? Is this ready to be published? A “no” to any of these questions is not personal, and usually can be rectified with slight changes or additions. However, a blog is much more personal. I am not putting my thoughts through any lens, nor constructing a fiction where I am in control of the world within it. I am simply writing my own thoughts, attached to my very real self.

I wanted to start this website because I felt it necessary to have somewhere where I could share my published writings and connect to people who might read them in a more informal way. Little did I know when I set out to create such a space the fear of rejection it would create within me. Going through workshops and having editors read my works lead me to believe I didn’t fear rejection at all. I have come to realize instead that I rely on this feedback so when my work is read by others I am confident at least someone else is sharing the responsibility. Now I am like a child who must cross a busy street for the first time without holding an adult's hand.

It’s not about a need to be perfect. There is a lot of beauty in imperfection, and in some artistic disciplines such as Kintsugi it can even be made desirable. That message even lives on in a lot of fiction, where dystopias are described as a monolith of sameness and individuality is found in the hero. I think it’s just easier to hide behind fiction than put my thoughts online for anyone to read. Maybe this whole experiment is worth it just to get over this hurdle and become more comfortable with other types of writing. An object set in motion stays in motion, and all that. I just need to begin.